Burning Rubber - Walker Edition

HOOOONNNKKKK! The deep, guttural sound ripped through my insides as I grit my teeth and held on to the edge of the concrete barrier curb separating the narrow highway lane from a raging river far below. I felt wind rush over the backs of my legs as I did my best to make my body fit the contours of the barricade, hoping with every inch of my life that the two 18-wheelers racing nose to nose wouldn’t swerve and crush me. Seconds before they passed I weighed the two options. Jumping into the river would almost certainly result in death as the drop was tremendous. Hugging the barrier still held risk and I imagined what it would feel like to have every bone in my body crushed by the impact of these giants competing at top speed. As the air closed in around me and the heat of their tires wafted up my back, I prayed to God to let me survive.

How did I end up in such a precarious position? I was completing my first year at University as a vocal performance major. While I loved the program, my soul was dying. I was operating in two worlds, in church on Sunday, but no regard for God every other day of the week. I spent many nights weeping over the conflict in my heart and knew I had to leave as I wasn’t yet strong enough to be in that environment and stay the proverbial course. I’d taken a shine to the Lord of the Rings trilogy and, looking for my purpose, I decided to follow in the footsteps of Frodo Baggins and go for a walk. I remembered a group that spoke at my home parish while I was in high school. They walked from Los Angeles, California to Washington D.C. praying for the unborn. A restless and depressed 18 year old, I needed the fresh air and open skies. I could not have known that this decision would set the stage for several significant events in my life, and while not without peril, it set several wheels in motion that would ultimately lead me here.

One of the practical structures of the adventure was that we were divided into two teams, day shift and night shift. We walked in twos (one boy, one girl) for practical reasons of safety. Two people would be dropped off while the van with the rest of the shift’s crew drove ahead 5 miles to catch some zzzs and wait for the pair’s arrival. The next two walkers would get out and the process would continue until morning where we’d find an RV camp, shower, rest, and wash our clothes.

Eventually, we made it to our final destination, but those few thousand miles were really just the beginning. Through several series of events, I can say with absolute clarity that the initial decision to go into the wilds of the southern USA was the catalyst that eventually led me to attend a different university, meet my husband and move to Canada.

(Page from my sketchbook - inspired by Indian textiles.)

We often want our lives to have some kind of spectacular outcome, but we spend so much time fretting over our circumstances, that we stall out and stop moving. I think it’s fair to say we tend to long for what’s different or “greater” because in our hearts, our desire is for eternal peace. Our dreams are in heaven while our bodies are on earth, and our flesh acts that out by never being satisfied with what’s in front of us.

For some, like myself at 18, it may be that you find yourself living a double life. Wanting to live a life of holiness, but being drawn into what the world offers. That situation will require asking God for forgiveness and doing what it takes to make real changes in life. It can be hard, but it’s worth it. For others, it may be a matter of complaining about the very opportunities God has placed in front of you. I am guilty of this sometimes. I want to get to the next step, but God’s teaching me that we have to go through this step first because this season holds keys to the doors of next season.

The truth is our one true desire is Him. Everything we do, everywhere we go, everything we buy…most of the time what we’re actually looking for is Him.

The surest way to Him is to be where He’s put us and to do the thing that is in front of us. It can be mind-boggling and frustrating and doesn’t look at all like the plan we have for our lives, and yet, all things work together for good for those who love the Lord. (Romans 8:28) In University, I wanted to sing! I thought leaving my vocal performance program would be the end of my singing endeavours. And there was a long break, but this year is my 9th year serving as the worship leader at our church and it all started by trusting God’s lead in leaving the program and taking a long walk.

Let’s look closer at the book of Romans chapter 8. Paul is talking about living in Heaven with our resurrected bodies, free from the corruption of death. Starting with verse 26, he says…

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

-Romans 8:26-27

That last line in particular is a bit of a gut-punch, but it’s so good. “The Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. Oh, how much time we waste praying for this and that when we could be praying for the will of God to be above every desire in our hearts. Much of the time, when we have united ourselves to God, our desires are simply offshoots of the desires He has for our lives, but we have to be careful that we’re not trying to force God’s hand or strike deals with Him. I’ve prayed it, you’ve probably prayed it.. “God please give me_____ and I’ll do XYZ for you! This is how I’ll believe you’re real!” While an honest prayer, it’s also one that places us in the position of God and Him as somehow subservient to do our bidding as we please. I’ve since repented. Mea culpa.

My desire to sing was always from Him. I thought I wanted fame and a record deal. He wanted me to sing for Him and to lead others to sing for Him. Turns out, that’s also what I wanted all along. Good desire. Redeemed plan.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

-Romans 8:28

He loves us and has a distinct purpose for each of us. That’s good news! But again.. there’s more to this story. The next verse is the clincher.

For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.”

-Romans 8:29

All things working together for good does not equate to material success or a perfect shiny life, although, we are promised a peace that surpasses all understanding. (Philippians 4:7) What the line from Romans signifies is that by loving the Lord, we are steadily conformed to His image. We become more like Him. More loving, more self-sacrificing, looking for opportunities to serve, not out of self-interest but for the good of others. We’re more willing to put up with unpleasant circumstances if it means helping people get closer to Jesus.

And it’s worth it, because as the last line of this section says…

And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.”

-Romans 8:30

He calls us to be in relationship with Him. He protects us and saves us from eternal death. And we get to be with Him, forever, and that forever begins the moment you say yes to Him. We’re not waiting for a care-free life when we die. No! The moment we say yes, our training begins as He shapes us into someone who looks and loves like Him.

The training ground happens wherever He’s placed us and He will use the here and now to propel us into the next thing. So we must stop fighting our circumstances, and dig into the soil where He’s planted us. When it’s time to be planted elsewhere, we can be sure we will not miss it, because if we’re in relationship with God, then, we’re also learning how to hear from Him. So, do the next thing that’s in front of you.

What does walking look like for you?

*Scripture referenced - ESV

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